Psychology Tonight

I want to post about going through the temple with Al, but I want to wait until I have the pictures, which I am waiting to have emailed to me. (hint hint!) For tonight I will write about something else.

First off- I've been (slowly) reading a book by Elizabeth Gilbert called Eat Pray Love. I will quote the last paragraph I read before setting it down yet again. She's talking about her "boundary issues" in past relationships:

"I disappear into the person I love. I am the permeable membrane. If I love you, you can have everything. You can have my time, my devotion, my ass, my money, my family, my dog, my dog's money, my dog's time - everything. If I love you, I will carry for you all your pain, I will assume your own insecurity, I will project upon you all sorts of good qualities that you have never actually cultivated in yourself and I will buy Christmas presents for your entire family. I will give you the sun and the rain, and if they are not available, I will give you a sun check and a rain check. I will give you all this and more, until I get so exhausted and depleted that the only way I can recover my energy is by becoming infatuated with someone else."

This is talking about losing your own identity to make your S.O. happy. It's the paradigm of doing everything in your power to make them happy so that they will cherish you and realize what a gem you are... in other words, you are earning their approval. (Is this a trait of perfectionists?)

I bring it up because I think I have possessed this trait to a small degree myself. Past relationships (one in particular) have shown me that it's the kind of thing certain people seek out in a mate because they can be the dominant one. (Whether they do it consciously or not, it happens). Anyway, I think because I have recognized that it exists in myself to a degree, it has given me some power over it... though sometimes I'm still ambiguous about where the boundary between making a case for what you want and being selfish lies. One thing is for sure, I am grateful to have been blessed with such a great husband, one who does not manipulate to get things his way, even though he could if he wanted, and who loves and encourages me in whatever I want to do... in becoming a better person in every way. I was told once by a spiritual-leader that I would be blessed with a husband who is perfect for me, and I was.

Second off - Geoff rented The Ten Commandments, and only got about halfway through it before the DVD gave out. I put in the Prince of Egypt, which may not be totally accurate, but I LOVE the musical score... I watch it just because of the musical score, it is genius. Hopefully I'll have the temple pictures tomorrow.