One pet peeve

People who rev their engines really REALLY loudly, without regard to who they are waking up, because they think it's cool. Since when did that bestow coolness or popularity on a person? Please.

The whole dern weekend

Tonight we went to a fireside given by one of the guys that wrote "Between Husband and Wife." (I can't remember his name cuz I'm just bad with names). It was SO good! I can't re-give the fireside, but he said the most basic way to help a marriage is to help the saints live the gospel. He talked about the main reasons that the prophets have said that marriage fails, versus the main reasons that secular knowledge says marriage fails. (And the importance of saying "I'm sorry.") At first he talked a lot about going to the temple, then the endowment, then the "apprenticeship" (or, marriage), then he started talking about Moses and got into some doctrinal stuff. I wondered why he would need to talk about the creation at a marriage fireside, but when he finished up his talk I understood better. He was trying to point out that we need to have an understanding of the complete picture, beginning to end, which is what will help us stay centered when Satan comes tempting, as he inevitably will. And he was funny, he kept cracking jokes - an entertainer. But yeah, it was good.

Also, in sacrament meeting today there was a talk given by a guy - probably the most honest talk I've ever heard come out of someone's mouth in church. Well, first he gave a regular talk, then as he was finishing up, he said, "Well, let me be honest here." Then he just started opening up and spilling his guts. (It was a little uncomfortable at first, but as he went on it became more and more powerful). He talked about how he'd missed church for the last two years because he works a 12-hour shift on Saturday nights, and felt that Sunday morning was best spent sleeping. To me, that would be a valid reason to stay home, but he talked about how as time went on, it affected him. "Line upon line, precept upon precept," he said. Then he hit what he called "rock bottom", was just confused about everything, when he realized that he needed to make some changes. He realized that he really needed to be there for his family, he needed to be a leader and an example for his wife and children. (They have two young ones and another on the way). He changed his schedule around so he wouldn't have to work Saturday nights anymore so that he could come to church with his family, and he started reading the scriptures again, every day, and all that other stuff. But the part that stood out to me the most was the "line upon line, precept upon precept" part. It just re-emphasized (funny how I forget these things) the importance of the little things. How it's so important not to take them for granted or let them slip, because they'll just keep slipping until they're gone. I fear I have started in that direction, so perhaps it's time for me to make some assessments too.

So it's been a good couple of days for getting things back into perspective. I have realized again how much I love my sweet husband. What a good man he is, and how lucky I am to have him and how I better take darn good care of him! :)

A few other things that have happened in the last few days: (in no order of importance)

Our Hollywood video is closing down, now we'll have to go to Provo to rent movies. We canceled our MVP just in time. Anyway, their entire inventory is on sale now, so I bought a few of my favorite movies: Bruce Almighty, the Polar Express (that's a classic we'll be able to watch with our kids when we eventually have them. And if DVD players still exist.) and last but not least, The Mighty. It's a little bit of an older film, but it's so good! If you're looking for a movie that's just good, I recommend it highly.

And Reggie, our old cocker-spaniel puppy, has found a new home. Some of Aunt Nan's neighbors, actually. (she has now helped us place both of our little doggies). They're a family with six kids ages 4 to 14, and they've been looking for a dog for a whole year, just trying to find a breed that's the right size, right temperament, etc. He'll be an indoor dog, so they might have to get a doggie door. But with all those kids, there'll always be someone to give him attention, and the mom is a stay-at-home mom, so they probably won't be locking him up in a crate for long periods of time or anything. Anyway, this will be the best home that our baby has had yet, and mom said she felt really, really good about it. So, I'm very very happy he found a good home. Oh I worried so much that he would go to a crappy home and get passed around and around. Friday I went to spanish fork (so I could go to the hospital with mom to see grandma -she just had knee surgery), and I stopped at mom's on the way home and said goodbye to Reggie. I didn't know he'd be placed the very next day, but I am so glad I went and said goodbye to him. I sat on the cement floor in the laundry room and just held him. It is so strange that I got so attached to that dog, but I had to try hard not to cry when I walked out for the last time. I'm glad he's in a good home. Mom called them today to ask how his first night was, and they said it was fine, and he's already comfortable like it's always been his own house. They said the kids got up at 6:00 this morning and wanted to take him for a walk, but it was too dark so they had to wait until 7 to walk him. And he's been on at least three walks today. ha ha.

Cleaning house (warning: this is a boring post)

Well if you ever wanted a peek into the mundanities of everyday married life, I guess you're reading at the right place.

Neither of us are very good at picking up after ourselves as we go. Instead we let it all pile up for a little while and then clean it in one fell swoop. Some days - usually Saturdays like today -we do it all in the same day. We have a system for this. We turn up the tunes, and Geoff takes the bathroom and the kitchen with the mountain of dirty dishes, and I tackle the front room and the bedroom with the mountain of dirty laundry. We consider this to be a fair trade, since he hates the bedroom and I hate the bathroom. Geoff even mopped. (Give that man a Klondike bar) And my compulsive-organizing urge even kicked in and I took it out on the hallway closet. Aaaaaahh I love a clean house. Mundane? Yes. But I think it's great that we can work together.

A Feat of Unimaginable Proportions

For those of you who know Geoff, you know how big of a deal this is. Geoff..... likes Oreos!!! Duh duh duhhhhhhhhhhhh. Ever since I have known him, he has been deathly afraid of even being in the same room as a package of Oreo cookies. They'd make him sick. (Refer to something that happened on his mission).

He's been working up the courage for the last two years or so. Every now and then I'd buy a package or Oreos, cuz I still like 'em. (I once bought an Oreo shake, and he could barely stand to be in the same car with me because he could smell it.) He started by just smelling them, for a few seconds at a time, then about a year ago, he actually ate half of one. Last night, I watched as he confidently popped one into his mouth and pronounced his liberation from the fear.

Quite the milestone in our three years together. :)

SMILE!

I saw the coolest thing today. Rikki and I were crossing over the freeway on University Pkwy, and we saw a kid our age with a backpack (looked like a student) walking past carrying a cardboard sign that said "SMILE! (you're beautiful!)" And he was grinning like he was just having the best day. We both laughed. What was funny is that it really did make us smile. Funny kid.

We watched the Office Season 4 premier today! Yay! "I'm feeling a little stitious." he he. I love it. I don't get excited about TV shows because it's silly, but I really love this one. Jim and Pam are so cute together. We got Cafe Rio and milkshakes. We got perfect reception with the antennae at the corner of the TV, and then the reception went bad right before the show started, so we build this tower for the antennae to sit on so we could see our show properly.



Sometimes we long for the day we can have a plasma screen and cable tv, but this works for now.







Can I just say life is so good.

You know, I was getting really restless for a little while about being still in Utah County and how I never made the effort to travel or see the world and what-not. But then I just realized that this is what I need to be doing right now (going to school). Because, I don't know why, but I think I'm probably going to need my education someday, you know? This is where I need to be right now. And I look forward to the day when my husband and I can travel and see the world together; that will be awesome.

I got a cool email forward today about Garbage Trucks. It said that when other people's lives get full of garbage (guilt, shame, anger, fear), they tend to dump it on other people. Sooner or later someone is going to dump their garbage on you, and you can either go ahead and let them, (which fills you up with garbage, then you start to dump it on other people), or you can just smile and wave at them, let it roll off your back and go on happily with your own life. It was a really good point. And that's my inspirational (if somewhat roughly-put) thought for the day.

Finally four-wheeling

Well last weekend we were going to go camping with my family and the Carters. I was so pumped to go because some of my best memories are camping with the Carters. However, the heavens decided to open up and storm on us. (Actually, the weatherman warned us but we wanted to challenge him. We lost.) It was so cold and wet that Geoff and I decided not to spend the night, but we weathered it long enough to enjoy a ride on the ATV's and then dry out by the fire. We stopped at a little place in Eureka on the way home and got hot chocolate, then we just rode home in the gray while listening to music.

We got soaked racing through mud puddles.

He is so much cuter than me.

Stocking up on firewood. (That's Geoff and my friend Rikki.)

This is us trying to dry out

And I just found out it's really crappy to upload photos how you want them. Oh well there they are. I love pictures.

These toilets are lousy

We all get that thought sometimes, don't we? "Oh this would only happen to me." It happened today in church.

I'm not the biggest fan of relief society, and usually I'm the culprit in getting us to go home early. So we've been trying to change that and make more of an effort to stay for all three meetings. Well, after the relief sociey/priesthood meetings we women go join the men for sunday school, except their meeting always goes overtime, and then we women are stuck in the hallway, waiting, forced to make awkward conversation with one another. Determined to avoid the whole shebang today, I made a break for the bathroom instead. I didn't really have to go very badly, but I thought I could muster up enough liquid to justify it.

Let me explain something - our church building is probably older than the city of provo itself, and you can tell because it's been added on to so many times, there are staircases, weird hallways and rooms in places you wouldn't know existed unless you were looking. Our sunday school room even has a fireplace in it and an old organ that doesn't work anymore that must be an antique. The last time it was probably updated was with the advent of electricity, then it was forgotten about. No, actually that would be the advent of indoor plumbing, then it was forgotten about.

I waited in line for my turn (so much for avoiding awkward conversation with strangers), and then entered the stall and did my business. When I went to flush, all the toilet did was gurgle a little, then nothing. Okay. I jiggled the handle, waited a few seconds, then pushed the flush handle again. Nothing. I stood there in disbelief. The girl before me had been able to flush, why wasn't it working for me? I peeked over the stall wall towards the door (old church, short stall walls, I'm tall), there were at least four or five other girls waiting to use the restroom, laughing and talking loudly with each other. I tried the handle again. Nothing. The girl in the stall next to me flushed and exited. Maybe I could just wait it out, wait until everyone has used the other stall, then I could sneak out and no one would ever know it was me. I tried again, and nothing. The loud chatter from the girls in line was starting to die down, something had to be done.

After another somewhat desperate attempt to flush the dang toilet, I tucked my skirt up between my knees and quietly lifted the lid from the back of the toilet and peered in. Great, this toilet's so old, it's not even the kind where the back fills with water. Instead, there's a big black cylinder which I can't see into or underneath, and I don't know what to do. I played with the flush mechanism for a minute, hoping for a miracle, when the girl in the stall next to me said, "Man, these toilets are LOUSY." Aha! I wasn't the only one having a problem! Yet there were still three people in line, and my toilet still had paper floating around in it. With hope relinquished, I sighed, and gave the flusher one last good tug, and to my amazement, it worked this time. Whew!

I exited my stall and walked toward the sink, under the stares of the other people in line. We made a few jokes about just going home next time, then I washed and went to find Geoff in sunday school.

Next week I'll just brave the awkward conversation.

Sixth Senses

My husband has a sixth sense. He always manages to call me when I'm out shopping for clothes. This has been a touchy subject between us in the past, but we now have an understanding - read a phone conversation we had at one such time a couple months ago:

Me: Hello?
Him: Hey, whatcha doing?
Me: Shopping. (Sensing a pending reprimand about my spending habits) I always feel bad when you call and I tell you I'm out shopping.
Him: Then lie.
Me: Okay.

Express permission. Tonight I was at Old Navy, when the inevitable phone call came. He asked what I was going to do tonight and I said study for a quiz. There was fairly loud shopping music playing on the overhead, and I know he heard it. But he didn't ask about it, and I didn't tell. And at the end of the day, everyone's happy.

Catching Up

De, that's so awesome you made a survey for me! I'm going to answer it but you have to promise to do the same okay!! :)

1. Where do you work?: At a PEO, meaning our company does other company's payroll, payroll taxes, HR administration, Work Comp and Risk Management, Benefits, etc. I'm in the payroll department.

2. Why did you choose to work there? Actually, I applied there because it had great benefits, and it was the only clerical type of job I could find that paid that rate in Utah County at the time. I really didn't want to drive over the point of the mountain! Other than that, I really didn't know much about the company when I applied.

3. Do you like your job? I absolutely LOVE IT! I've seen other jobs come up, but I am sticking with this one until I graduate. They are so awesome. :)

5. What are the Pros/Cons

Pros: Decent pay, the people there are awesome - they make it a really great atmosphere to work in, amazing benefits, some flexibility in the schedule, awesome company parties, it's close-by, the work is okay (meaning I don't dread going to work everyday because of what I have to do there), and they are helping me pay for school. They just treat us very well all-around. And the company is growing a lot so I don't have to worry about getting laid-off due to going out of business. (That has happened to both Geoff and I in the last two years)

Cons: It's not really related to my major all that much, although I am hoping to eventually move into the accounting department, we'll see how that goes. Also, in order to have the tuition-reimbursement, I have to keep working for the company for one full year after graduating. But, if I move into the accounting department, that won't really matter. I'm thinking it might also affect my applications and availability for graduate school, but I'm sure I can find a way to make it work, maybe with the help of my academic advisor.

6. What was/is your major/minor? Major: Accounting. Minor: I haven't chosen an emphasis at this point, although there will be several emphases to choose from later on.

7. What made you pick that? Well, I actually took a couple of years off school and started doing some bookkeeping work, and realized I needed more knowledge if I was going to do well at it, then I thought, maybe that could be my major. After going back and taking all the generals, mixed with accounting classes, I realized the accounting classes were actually the ones I enjoyed and learned the most in, so, it worked out.

8. Do you have any pets? not anymore. *sniff*. We used to have two puppies, Taj and Reggie (see pics in top left corner of page), but we quickly learned we didn't have enough time for them, so we found better homes for them. I can't wait to get another one someday though, when we have more time and a backyard. I love dogs! Oh we also used to have rats. They were cute but they got sick so we put them to sleep. And birds are awesome pets as well, cockatiels especially.

9. Are they inside or outside pets? They were all inside pets.

10. Where do you live? In a condo in south orem.

11. Do you like it? Yes, we both love it actually. Our condo is fairly new so it's pretty nice compared to the other places we lived, and it's right by the school and right by the freeway, yet quiet at the same time. And I love being right next to downtown. It's nice to have everything just minutes away!

12. What are the top 5 things on your "wants" list? 1) to be done with school 2) to have a nice body 3) a house and kids and a dog, eventually 4) vacations 5) more sleep

13. What is stopping you from getting them?
1) just time, it just takes time
2) I don't know what's stopping me from having a nice body, I have a free gym pass from work and a treadmill at home... I'm just lazy about going to the gym and some days I don't have enough time due to homework, and really I like food and don't feel like watching what I eat, and some days I would rather blog. :) (the list goes on... and on, and on...)
3) the house: money, the kids: i don't feel ready for kids yet plus I want to finish school first, the dog: no time for a dog.
4) vacations: time and money, and our work schedules are so syncopated that it's hard to both get it off at the same time
5) more sleep? Well i don't know that's a good one

14. Where is your next vacation location? Our next real vacation? Probably Disneyland/San Diego. It's going to be our reward for graduating. It's a ways off but it will be very appreciated! :)

15. What is the best thing about your life right now? Lots of things, wonderful husband, great job, great family, great friends, no responsibilities other than ourselves (meaning, no kids to worry about just yet)

16. Why? I don't know, it's just, the good life, ha ha. We've been so blessed, I just can't think of it getting any better.

17. Worst? It's really hard to think of a "worst." I guess the thing that bothers me is that I'm just impatient, I want to get to a place where we can move to the next phase in life... it just takes time.

18. If you had unlimited talent what would you do different than what you are doing now? I'd have a talent for investing, which would change a lot of things; open a lot of doors. Also, an unlimited talent that would be really cool would be... something musical. Have an amazing voice or something.

19. What are 5 things you would say that you do well? Procrastinate, make cookies, get along with people (even though I'm a little on the shy side sometimes), clean (when I want to I do it well), annnnnnnnnd I can't think of a 5th right now.

20. If you were to make any changes in your life right now, what would they be? I would really really love to get involved with some organization, and go out of the country and do some kind of social work with underprivelidged children. (I can't spell underpriviledged) It's really not an option right now, but if I could change things, I would change them so it would be possible to do that.

Those are way better questions than the normal "have you ever been drunk" surveys. HA ha thanks De now it's your turn!

Chocolate Milkshakes are bliss

Yes, I am sitting here eating a homemade chocolate milkshake. A blend of creamy chocolate ice-cream with some milk, then covered with whipped cream and chocolate sprinkles. It cures any kind of day.

And actually, today has been really good. I think I'm starting to get my energy back after the stagnancy of the last couple of weeks. Either that or I'm still feeling my cappuncino and vault soda from this morning. (It's what happens when you finally fall asleep somewhere around 3 a.m.). Work was super busy but in a good way. We're all switching around our desks, and it's nice to have a change of scenery and neighbors, plus fall is coming and I LOVE this weather.

Speaking of work. the new accounting girl, I finally figured out who she looks like. She was so familiar to me and Cassie and Linda, then it dawned. She's a perfect mix of Mandy Moore and Maggie Gyllenhall. No wonder I had a twinge of jealousy. Geoff has the hots for Maggie Gyllenhall. Ha ha. He was awed when I told him I worked with her look-alike. Well, it's fine cuz I have my own freebie crush-list. His consists of the above-mentioned Gyllenhall, Carrie Underwood, Karie Cronk from Fox-13 news, and Jessica Simpson. Mine consists of Gavin Rosedale and Catherine Bell, and once in awhile a new tall dark and handsome guy creeps onto the list. (I know there's a girl in there but if I was a guy she'd be IT. It's Susan Ortega from Bruce Almighty). And this is weird but the guy in Where the Heart Is? Forny? I admit there is something charming about the tall, skinny, geeky, totally devoted guy.

Oh, and mom bought us a big ol' canning pot today, and some bottles. That was so nice of her. We're going to can more stuff.

I'm PUMPED for camping and four-wheeling this weekend!

Names Database

So, I've discovered if you're the type of person that gets a kick out of other weird-sounding names, work at a PEO. Today we got talking about some of our favorites: Dung Quoc Wong, Toker Burningham, Nimrod Kujo, and my personal favorite: Bounmy Xoumphonphackdy. (Sad that I even remember how to spell that.) (and I hope these people don't google their name and come straight to my blog). It's like a names database, I've also found names like Ocean, Daquiri, Stormy, and Thomas Thomas (first and last). Really, there are some very pretty and unique names, but sometimes you wonder what the parents were thinking? (I suppose there was nothing Bounmy could do about his last name... I bet he's always getting people who can't pronounce it though... I can't even pronounce it, just spell it.)

Canning peaches

Well, thanks to a priesthood lesson last week, Geoff got excited about food storage and wanted to learn how to can food. So, I called my grandma, who was nice enough to show us how to do it. We learned peaches. Yummmmm!

That's Donald on the left, Grandma's new husband. He plays the lap guitar, and he entertained us with some hawaiian-sounding music while we went to work in the kitchen.

We learned some sad news last night...

Perhaps the saddest news ever...

A box of Macaroni and Cheese, when prepared as directed, has as much or more calaries than a Big Mac Combo at McDonalds. And to think we were eating it mixed with mashed potatoes! We might as well have gone to Wendy's or something. I guess this puts THAT meal to bed, now we need something new. Geoff's thinking a spinach mix or something.

Also, it looks like Collective Soul might not be coming to Utah after all. The only website that lists them is Smithstix, and tickets aren't available for sale yet, which means they're probably undecided about coming for sure. If they don't come then they are lame. Boycott Collective Soul.

Fake it??

This morning as my co-worker and I were talking about how hard it is to get out of bed in the morning, she said, "I'm just gonna fake it 'til I make it." I thought that was an insightful saying. Fake it 'til we make it. [Editor's note: Upon reading this post, my husband informed me that "fake it 'til you make it" is commonly known as referring to sex, which I didn't know. Hence the title change].

Interesting how the flags at Low Book Sales and Wal-mart were flying at half-mast for weeks for the miners is Sanpete County, but on the anniversary of 9/11 they were at full-mast. I don't suppose they forgot??

The new accounting girl started today. She is tall and skinny and has long brown hair, and of course I just bristled with resentment when they took her around to meet everyone. I managed to avoid my introduction - I was afraid I'd act snobby, cuz that's how I was feeling. It's silly for me to feel bad about it, she is apparently replacing Camille, who had a bachelor's in finance, and I'm nowhere near that yet. I just need a day or two to get over it and it will all be fine. It would actually probably have been hard to learn a new job at this point, with everything else that's going on.

Actually, I am so blessed, Geoff and I both, to have what we do and to be able to do what we do. I will stop complaining now.

Anywho, we've been tagged again, so I will do it cuz I'm bored (and Kenna is my home-girl). Kidding?? Here goes

Getting to know Geoff:

What is his name? Geoffery
How long have you been together, including dating? A little over 3 years
How long did you date? about 9-ish months
How old is he? 25
Who eats more: Probably him, although I snack a lot and he doesn't
Who said I love you first: He did. Actually, he said he liked me alot, then no, he was falling for me, then no, he was falling in love with me... it was so cute.
Who is taller? Geoff
Who sings better? He would say I do but he really has a great singing voice. It's very dynamic
Who is smarter? Geoff, he has a passion to learn new things, doesn't matter what
Whose temper is worse? Geoff's, although he's very patient too. We don't fight very often.
Who does the laundry? We both occasionally throw a load in
Who does the dishes? Mostly Geoff, sometimes I help
Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? That would be me
Who pays the bills? Geoff does
Who mows the lawn? The HOA
Who cooks dinner? Geoff does, mostly mac & cheese mixed with mashed potatoes. Once in awhile we mix it up.
Who drives when you are together? Geoff does, about 98% of the time
Who is more stubborn? Oooh that's a good one. Probably me.
Who is the first to admit when they are wrong? Geoff is. Actually he admits he's wrong even when I am really the wrong one.
Whose parents do you see the most? Mine cuz they're closer
Who kissed who first? I kissed him first. He had so obviously "hinted" that he was not going to make the first move, so I knew it was me or never
Who asked who out? We actually started by just hanging out with roommates. Then I think the first actual date was a mutual agreement
Who proposed? Geoff
Who is more sensitive? Me definately
Who has more friends? We both have no friends. (Just kidding, I don't know)
Who has more siblings? I do
Who wears the pants in the family? I sometimes like to think I do, but it's really him. No plaid shorts.

I want someone else to do this, so I tag DShaw, Sarah, Natalie, and Computer Geek Gone Chef. :)

Oh Blessed Sick Days

Called in sick today. Was I sick? Physically, no. Mentally, maybe. All I can say is thank goodness for sick days. My company is so awesome, I love that they give us sick days... or "mental health days," as the joke goes in the payroll department. Sometimes they are needed!

After I called in, I went back to sleep until 9:30, then I got up and got a TON of stuff done. I cleaned almost the whole house, (which needed it badly!!), did some laundry, and spent HOURS on homework. And on top of that, I took a full shower, and did my make-up and hair, which felt so nice. (Most days I wake up late and only have time for half-showers and then skip the make-up and hair.)

I feel so much better now that that stuff is done. I feel more centered now, more willing to handle tomorrow. Like there's breathing room.

And can I just say I have the most awesome husband? He didn't try to make me feel like I was lazy for taking the day off this morning, he just told me to get some sleep as he left for class. :) I love him.

Road blocks to success

I know that sounds like the title to a motivational self-help book. Well, myself needs help! Yeah I don't know what my problem is this last week. I just don't feel like doing ANYthing. Don't wanna clean, don't wanna study, don't wanna pay attention in class, don't wanna work, don't wanna go to church, etc. etc. There's just no ENERGY for doing anything. I'm so lazy.

You know, I was thinking, with this goal of graduating. I for sure want to get my bachelor's, but I've been thinking a little bit about graduate school too. I think I would need graduate school to be able to have the lifestyle I want. But there are two things that are going to stand in my way: Fear and Laziness.

When I say fear, I mean I'm totally scared of failing. Until this point in life, I've never thought of myself as an ambitious one. I really do enjoy accounting, it's just that sometimes I feel like I'm the only one not getting it, it's kind of scary. Graduate school would be hard. Then of course once I do get that far there's the fear of whether or not I'll be able to handle having that much responsibility. I want to be some kind of controller for a company, you know, work on the inside. (The CPA thing has absolutely no draw for me). But that's a lot of responsibility, when a company trusts you to know what you're doing and help them stay on track with their money... I really think that could be something that holds a lot of people back, actually, fear of what they would do if they got that far. It's the story of the person who only has one class left to graduate, and they can't bring themselves to finish it. (I actually know a few people like that. It seems silly but it's a real thing. They are too scared of what will happen when they're finished).

When I say laziness, I mean I have this mentality that I need to just do the minimum to get good grades. It's cuz I'm lazy and I need better study habits, and if I can finish an assignment fast and have time for other things, that's the way to go. But I know that's wrong. It's going to take hard hard work to get all the way through school. I can't keep thinking like that because it won't work. Especially if I have to work harder just to understand. I need some kind of game plan to help me get out of this habit. If I could study harder to where I'm really learning and not just finishing assignments, then I bet that would help with the fear of failing too.

I know I can do it, it's just going to take work. I actually feel more driven to succeed now than I ever have before. I want to go somewhere with my life, I want to know that I can be worth more than 12 bucks an hour. I don't want to be afraid of wanting things that cost money... a nice house, nice car, nice vacations, nice things. I want to know it's possible to do those things. (By the way, I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting nice things and money, contrary to what some would say, but that's a subject for another day).

I was reading back on a journal entry I made in highschool, where I'd said I didn't feel much motivation to do much as far as school and career went; I was happy just the way I was. Well, that's changed now, and only in the last six months or so. I think the Lord is blessing me with this drive to succeed, because he knows I'll be needing it to overcome the fear and laziness.

"A heaven on earth I have won by wooing thee." -William Shakespear

When my mom commented me and Geoff for a dinner we made once, I realized it was mostly geoff who made it. Then I realized that he's really the only cooker, and he's also the cleaner, the laundry doer, the bill payer, the good studyer, the talented guitar player, the sweet thoughtful patient one, and to top it off the handsome one.

Me, well I was clogger of the month when I was 8.

What made him want to marry me, that is the question. (Did I mention he also spouted Shakespear the other day?) I don't know what to say except that I got really lucky. :)

Hell, the dark, and Britney Spears

So, I had this dream the other night that Britney Spears asked me and my nameless sidekick to be her personal chefs. We could cater all her parties, she said.

*Sigh*... if only I was Britney Spears's personal chef. My regular job is coming out my ears today. Yesterday about mid-day our HR Advisor sent a mass email to us saying there were open positions in the Accounting, Payroll, HR, and Sales departments. So I got excited and thought I'd try and apply for the accounting position. They like me, and they are helping to put me through school for an accounting degree, so I thought I might have a chance. Turns out they hired someone last night before we even hardly had the chance to apply. And she's from Accounttemps! Such a bummer. I sent them my resume anyway, and said if it didn't work out for any reason that I hoped they'd consider me for the position. So at least now they know I'm interested, so I guess we'll see what happens. Oh but hey! If you're looking for a job let me know because it's an awesome place to work and we're still hiring for the other depts! (and I get a referral bonus if you get hired, he he). It is a job you'll enjoy though just cuz all the people are so cool and work is workable.

Anyway, I'm also going to hell. I was supposed to be in charge of getting meals for a new mom in our ward and she had her baby a week ago. I told her twice to call me when she was ready for meals or anything else but she never did. Still, I should've checked on her, I just forgot. I'm still going to get her her meals; right now I'm just waiting for her to return my phone call.

Speaking of going to hell, the power went out a couple nights ago and stayed out for a few hours. We layed there in bed thinking, "Is this how the end of the world begins? Are we really prepared to die? Do you think we're going to hell?" It was a deeply spiritual moment. We had a good discussion as we sat up in bed eating our MRE's. .... which are actually pretty good for food storage. Yes, food storage, we are that good. (Not really my MIL gave it to us) And my FIL gave us a bunch of 8-hour glow sticks, which I was actually really glad to have when the power went out and I was all alone in our dark silent house.

Now don't think less of me, but I am actually afraid of the dark. I mean I know in my mind that there's nothing to be scared of, but I can't help that the hairs on my neck stand up when my back is to a dark room. Perhaps it comes from growing up in a haunted house... yeah I bet that's it. Anyhow, I once broke the screen out of the bedroom window and crawled outside in the freezing cold because I thought I heard someone in the front room after hubby had gone to work. Turns out I was just losing my mind, or something.

"Where have you been? And don't say the bathroom cuz I kicked in all the stalls."

“I would never have called him that if I knew. You don’t call retarded people retards. It’s bad taste. You call your friends retards when they’re acting retarded. And I consider Oscar a friend.” - Michael

It is the happiest day of my life today. I have dishes and laundry to do, homework to do, work worries and I’m getting fatter, but nothing matters tonight cuz my new Season 3 Office DVD is on. What’s great is that I didn’t even get to see the second half of the season so it’s new. (Not that it matters, I could watch them over and over and still like ‘em.)

We got to see America in concert at the Scera last night. They are really more one of Geoff’s groups, but it was still a fun show. I’m hoping to get Collective Soul tickets from Geoff for my late birthday (I am even posting it online, hint hint). J It’ll be the first time Geoff has actually come to see one of MY groups in concert. (Well he likes them too but last time they came he refused to go with me). They are a fun show.

The Bridge is wide, the bridge is long

Tonight Geoff and I watched a documentary called The Bridge, where some guys watched the Golden Gate Bridge for an entire year and filmed people jumping to their deaths. In 2004, 24 people committed suicide by jumping off that bridge. It was kind of sickening and very sad, yet fascinating to think what must drive those people to do that? What’s going through their minds as they stand there looking down? One of the guys they interviewed had actually attempted it and lived, and said the second his hands left the railing he decided he didn’t want to die. (He managed to turn his body so his feet would go in first and not his head, which is what helped him survive the fall). It was really quite disturbing, but very well done.

Anyway, the song during the closing credits was my favorite Howie Day song, Escape. I never realized it was about suicide, so I pulled the CD out to listen and it turns out about half the songs on the CD (which I LOVE) are about suicide. Hmmm. And I think he was only about 16 years old when he made that album. He put his emotional turmoil to good use, cuz the album is amazing.

That reminds me of something I learned in music class last semester. Tchaikovsky, who we all know is a great composer (or at least we’ve heard of him), was also gay. He was caught having an affair with the son of someone in power (a judge or something), and was sentenced to death. However, his death sentence was that he had to kill himself, in a manner of his choosing, and he had six weeks to do it. During that final six weeks of his life, he composed his Sixth Symphony. Then he disappeared. If you wanted to get an idea of how a man felt who could never be truly happy being himself, but knew he was going to have to kill himself instead to give it a listen. (I still haven’t listened to it, but I hope to sometime). I might’ve got some of the facts wrong so feel free to correct me if you know better. This is just going off of memory. But what if you were in the same situation and had to kill yourself, how would you do it? It’s an interesting thought.

On a lighter note, I had an awesome birthday. I was surprised that so many people did such nice things for me or even remembered; I really wasn’t expecting it all, but it made my day very special. J

I love Geoff.