Sunday, September 9, 2007

Road blocks to success

I know that sounds like the title to a motivational self-help book. Well, myself needs help! Yeah I don't know what my problem is this last week. I just don't feel like doing ANYthing. Don't wanna clean, don't wanna study, don't wanna pay attention in class, don't wanna work, don't wanna go to church, etc. etc. There's just no ENERGY for doing anything. I'm so lazy.

You know, I was thinking, with this goal of graduating. I for sure want to get my bachelor's, but I've been thinking a little bit about graduate school too. I think I would need graduate school to be able to have the lifestyle I want. But there are two things that are going to stand in my way: Fear and Laziness.

When I say fear, I mean I'm totally scared of failing. Until this point in life, I've never thought of myself as an ambitious one. I really do enjoy accounting, it's just that sometimes I feel like I'm the only one not getting it, it's kind of scary. Graduate school would be hard. Then of course once I do get that far there's the fear of whether or not I'll be able to handle having that much responsibility. I want to be some kind of controller for a company, you know, work on the inside. (The CPA thing has absolutely no draw for me). But that's a lot of responsibility, when a company trusts you to know what you're doing and help them stay on track with their money... I really think that could be something that holds a lot of people back, actually, fear of what they would do if they got that far. It's the story of the person who only has one class left to graduate, and they can't bring themselves to finish it. (I actually know a few people like that. It seems silly but it's a real thing. They are too scared of what will happen when they're finished).

When I say laziness, I mean I have this mentality that I need to just do the minimum to get good grades. It's cuz I'm lazy and I need better study habits, and if I can finish an assignment fast and have time for other things, that's the way to go. But I know that's wrong. It's going to take hard hard work to get all the way through school. I can't keep thinking like that because it won't work. Especially if I have to work harder just to understand. I need some kind of game plan to help me get out of this habit. If I could study harder to where I'm really learning and not just finishing assignments, then I bet that would help with the fear of failing too.

I know I can do it, it's just going to take work. I actually feel more driven to succeed now than I ever have before. I want to go somewhere with my life, I want to know that I can be worth more than 12 bucks an hour. I don't want to be afraid of wanting things that cost money... a nice house, nice car, nice vacations, nice things. I want to know it's possible to do those things. (By the way, I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting nice things and money, contrary to what some would say, but that's a subject for another day).

I was reading back on a journal entry I made in highschool, where I'd said I didn't feel much motivation to do much as far as school and career went; I was happy just the way I was. Well, that's changed now, and only in the last six months or so. I think the Lord is blessing me with this drive to succeed, because he knows I'll be needing it to overcome the fear and laziness.

2 comments:

kenna said...

I want money and nice things too! I think you have the same fears as a lot of people. So you are completely justified. I am lazy too...I just woke up from my three hour nap...

DeAnna said...

Want to hear something kinda retarded. I have been motivated to study by Harry Potter. I read those books in the summer and I see how much Hermione studies and it makes me want to study harder. The only other thing that really drives me to do well, is competition. If I know someone else is doing better that I know, I try harder. My husband had a better graduating GPA than I did, but that last semester I tried really hard to do better than him (is that bad :) ) In high school it was Sheena Ellinger, I always tried to do better than her, especially since we had a lot of classes together, she would always ask how I did. We were mostly pretty close, but I think she did better overall. (I always justified it by thinking I had a better social life...I know I am a horrible person). Anyway, I agree, I like nice things too, I don't think there is ANYTHING wrong with striving to have a good lifestyle that permits those things. As long as you are charitable and good and responsible...I think that it is something that actually the church encourages. (Why else would we be asked to get more education?)