Deep thoughts

(Note - I just finished writing this post and it is really really late right now - so there is a possibility that it will not make sense to anyone but me)

Tonight we watched Back to the Future, parts one, two, and half of three. (It was fun but by the third movie the sames jokes started to get old). But it got me thinking, how would it be if, like the characters in the movie, we could see ourselves 20 or 30 years from now? And if we could, would we want to?

For me, I'm not so sure the answer is yes. Because, what if - like the characters in the movie - all I were to see was mediocrity? When we start out we have dreams - well, I assume most of us do - of what our lives will be like, our families, our homes, and whatever else. But what if they never materialize like we planned? If you knew that your entire life was going to be just mediocre at best, would you give up trying? Is it not the hope of making it a little better that keeps us going?

I say this because, I've realized this weekend that I have had some high expectations. I've gotten this idea in my head that our lives are exactly what we make them; maybe with a little help from luck once in awhile. But really, there is no such thing as destiny, but only what we make with our own two hands. And if we are willing and determined, we can do whatever we want with the sky as the limit. This is the idea that fear is the one and only thing that would hold us back from realizing the ends.

Maybe this is unrealistic though. Especially when your dreams and your expectations are projected upon someone else, who may not see things the same way as you do. Having unrealistic expectations can only result in feelings of disappointment, resentment, hopelessness, a loss of self-worth, and a sense of not being accepted for who you are. And it is a very, very bad thing if you cause someone else to feel this way because you've pushed your desires on them. I thought today of the "four horsement of the apocalypse:" criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling, and thought - maybe this should be added to the list.

So what happens when we hit that point in our lives where we think, this is it, this is what it all amounts to. We must either go crazy or find new things that are meaningful to us, I guess. Maybe find a fresh angle at which to look at things. Do a bit of soul-searching, asking yourself what's really most important to you in this life. It is so short.

I've said it before and I'll say it again- whatever else I hope to gain and do, letting my family know how much I love them and how important they are to me is the most important thing to me, ever. I need to do better at it.

And last of all - "Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: "Mankind". Basically, it's made up of two separate words - "mank" and "ind". What do these words mean ? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind." (Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy)